Baseball is back, baby

Ranking teams by their players' names, ABS challenges, Roman 4 MVP

Author

Crit Anecdoche
March 27, 2026

This one is about baseball, folks. If you’re looking for a song you can scroll to the bottom for a new one or enjoy my latest playlist.

Today is day 3 of the baseball season. My MLB.tv account is ready to go. I’m excited to see which broadcasts have new scorebugs this year. I hope the Savant / Fangraphs / Baseball Reference servers are ready for the traffic.

There are SO many things I love about baseball. The statistics and the stories they tell. Triples. Mascots. Visiting new ballparks. The Boston Red Sox. The Chicago Cubs. Roman Anthony. Mookie Betts. Bobby Witt Jr. Daaa Jankees lose.

But one thing I love that goes beyond baseball: great names.

Somewhat inspired by a recent Poscast episode, I made a spreadsheet with each team’s opening day roster, and gave players a score from 1-10. I didn’t think too hard about it, I just went rapid fire through each roster and then took the average for each team. Yes, there is definitely a Red Sox bonus and a “I like this guy so he gets a couple extra points” bonus.

Below are the standings. Surely. Congrats to all the winners.

THE REAL MLB STANDINGS

AL East
1. Red Sox 5.23
2. Orioles 4.52
3. Blue Jays 4.50
4. Rays 2.63
5. Yankees 4.05**

AL Central
1. Tigers 4.01
2. Royals 3.81
3. Guardians 2.99
4. Twins 2.89
5. White Sox 2.75

AL West
1. Mariners 3.97
2. Angels 3.17
3. Rangers 3.01
4. Athletics 2.87
5. Astros 2.77

** Did the Yankees actually have a higher score than the Rays? Yup. But due to them being the Yankees, they are in last place where they belong.

NL East
1. Braves 4.22
2. Phillies 3.96
3. Mets 3.80
4. Nationals 3.69
5. Marlins 3.52

NL Central
1. Cubs 3.90
2. Reds 3.44
3. Pirates 3.09
4. Brewers 3.08
5. Cardinals 2.92

NL West
1. Dodgers 4.13
2. Diamondbacks 3.72
3. Giants 3.48
4. Padres 3.45
5. Rockies 3.32

CHALLENGE!

The ABS challenge system is good for baseball

…even it it feels like a half measure. They should just let the system call every pitch. I appreciate they’re working to get more of the calls right, but why not just get them all right every time? The technology is right there! We could know immediately if it was a strike. The ump can still stand there, he has other things to be looking out for. We just don’t need human error deciding games like we just saw in the amazing WBC:

The lowest pitch on that chart was called strike three against Geraldo Perdomo (the most underrated player in baseball? He was 5th in fWAR and 7th in bWAR last year and the average person has no idea who he is!) to end the game. Just brutal. The one just a little higher was called strike three on Juan Soto to lead off the 8th. The DR got screwed.

Anyways, the first ABS challenge in regular season MLB history was called on opening night by José Caballero of the Yankees. He got a sinker up and in, which just caught the corner. He challenged. The call was upheld. Okay, that’s fine. It was super close. But I love that the very next pitch was clearly a ball inside, and if he hadn’t challenged the previous pitch, he might have challenged pitch 2.

It’s crazy to me that MLB settled on two challenges per game. You get two challenges, and you lose one if you’re wrong. Baseball is built on the number three. Three strikes, three outs. It should have been three challenges!

Two days and 12 games into the season, there have been 31 challenges. Batters are 9-7, catchers are 10-5. Pitchers haven’t called for a challenge yet.

No batter challenged more than one pitch. Only three catchers challenged two or more: Edgar Quero of the White Sox is 3-1, Francisco Alvarez of the Mets is 2-0, Carlos Narvaez of the Red Sox is 1-1.

FULL MLB STANDINGS

  1. Red Sox 5.23

  2. Dodgers 4.85

  3. Orioles 4.52

  4. Blue Jays 4.50

  5. Braves 4.22

  6. Tigers 4.01

  7. Mariners 3.97

  8. Phillies 3.96

  9. Cubs 3.90

  10. Royals 3.81

  11. Mets 3.80

  12. Diamondbacks 3.72

  13. Nationals 3.69

  14. Marlins 3.52

  15. Giants 3.48

  16. Padres 3.45

  17. Reds 3.44

  18. Rockies 3.32

  19. Angels 3.17

  20. Pirates 3.09

  21. Brewers 3.08

  22. Rangers 3.01

  23. Guardians 2.99

  24. Cards 2.92

  25. Twins 2.89

  26. Athletics 2.87

  27. Astros 2.77

  28. White Sox 2.75

  29. Rays 2.63R

  30. Yankees 4.05 (sucks to suck!)

THE BEST NAMES

Here are the players who scored at least 8 on my list:

10 — Aaron Judge, Bo Bichette, Gunnar Henderson, Janson Junk, Kody Funderburk, Mike Yastrzemski, Mookie Betts, Roman Anthony, Ronald Acuña Jr, Spencer Torkelson

9.1 — Huascar Brazobán

9 — Dansby Swanson, Dillon Dingler, Jacob Misiorowski, Jazz Chisholm Jr, Kyle Schwarber, Pete Crow-Armstrong, Teoscar Hernández

8.8 — Eugenio Suárez, Shohei Ohtani

8.5 — Clayton Beeter

8 — Aaron Bummer, Adley Rutschman, Braxton Ashcraft, Brent Rooker, Bryan Woo, Carlos Santana, Elly De La Cruz, Fernando Tatis Jr, Heriberto Hernandez, Jesús Luzardo, Jonathan India, Kazuma Okamoto, Kevin McGonigle, Randy Arozarena, Shea Langeliers, Tarik Skubal, Yoshinobu Yamamoto

RED SOX MINUTE

The Roman Anthony for AL MVP campaign began yesterday. This is the thing I’m most excited for this year. So far so good. He went 3 for 4 with a walk and a run scored. He turned the first pitch of the game into a rocket at 112.3 mph off the bat for a single. In the fifth he crushed another one, this time 110.2, and it nearly killed his former teammate Sal Stewart at first. In the 9th, he challenged a called strike three which turned into ball four and then came around to score an insurance run.

It is truly embarrassing to have Isiah Kiner-Falefa in an opening day lineup for any team, but especially the Boston Red Sox. He doesn’t hit the ball hard at all. He rolls it over and grounds out constantly. He’s going to drive me insane all year, I can just feel it. He’s one of the very worst hitters in baseball!

In 2025, among players with 450+ PA he was:
- 8th worst in wRC+
- 8th worst in OPS
- 7th worst in hard hit %
- 3rd worst in barrel %

I was ranting at the TV and my wife said “I need [Marcelo] Mayer to prove himself. I can’t listen to you complain about Kiner-Falefa — a ridiculous name! — all year.” Hopefully she won’t have to.

HERE’S A NEW SONG I LIKE

I’m excited for the upcoming TV Star record.

I feel like I can’t make a post without including at least one song.

New rule for the blog!

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