Wish I was a kid again, learning how to play pretend

I think everyone is well aware of Julien Baker’s new record, Little Oblivions, as well as the new single from Manchester Orchestra, “Bed Head.” If not, well, now you are! This newsletter is not about either artist but their ongoing excellence deserve a mention.

This list isn’t just a bunch of songs from different artists. There are only four artists on this one.

First up, three bands that are doing emo right. I don’t know exactly what that means, I’m not trying to keep any gates, but I just know it when I hear it in a song and this is the good stuff, I promise. These three bands feel like they go well together. I’d love to attend a show (remember live performances?) with all three on the bill. One day.

Bicycle Inn - Opening Doors for Strangers EP (2018) + singles (2020-2021)

Camp Trash - Downtiming EP (2021)

Snacking - Painted Gold EP (2021)

Bicycle Inn (some local boys!) have an LP coming out March 19, and the other two bands just put these EPs out. Camp Trash and Snacking had a song on the last Crit List, but I think they’re worthy of more List space. If you like bands like Spanish Love Songs, Modern Baseball, The Hotelier, Charmer, Macseal, Tigers Jaw… I think you’ll want these bands in your rotation too.

The fourth band on today’s List absolutely floored me this week and I think this record is going to have broad appeal. It’s called A Billion Little Lights by Wild Pink.

It’s for fans of Death Cab, The xx, Sufjan, Stars, and Steel Train. It’s big, it’s lush, it’s gorgeous, it’s catchy, it’s a beating heart slice of Americana. The instrumentation and production is top notch. It features backing vocals from Julia Steiner of Ratboys, a band you’ve heard on previous Crit Lists. A Billion Little Lights feels like an indie rock supernova right at the beginning of the explosion. Get into it.

So without further ado, the 10th Crit List is here.

Here are some things that are on my mind.

• I was riding my Peloton the other day, sweating along with my boo Jess King (Jess King come to emo night challenge) when someone’s username caught my attention: IMayBeJoeBiden. I thought that was pretty good. Do you remember that NYT article about how Biden’s Peloton could be a cybersecurity risk? From the article:"To make the bike White House friendly, the camera and the microphone in the tablet would have to be removed, said Richard H. Ledgett Jr., a former deputy director of the NSA. He would advise Mr. Biden to pick a nondescript user name and change it every month, and keep the bike far from any place where there might be sensitive conversations."First off, Joe Biden, if you’re not familiar with this guy, he’s the guy who owes us all $2,000 — not $1,400 — and could cancel our student loans with a snap of his fingers, but every day he wakes up and decides not to. Pretty fucked up! Anyways. He has to change his Peloton name every month, but IMayBeJoeBiden would be a pretty good name for him.

• You know what shouldn’t exist? Broker fees. You want two grand just so I can have the pleasure of paying you two grand every month for the next bunch of months? Hmm nah, how about go fuck yourself buddy boy. I have to move before September, and I’m upset about it. I love my current place, it’s spacious and cozy and we’ve decorated it perfectly. I’ve done a lot of moving lately and I’m happy here. The landlord did warn us when we moved in that she might sell the land in the next few years, and we just kept hoping she wouldn’t. Well, some lady bought the land and is going to update the building and flip it. Must be cool to have that kind of insane money.

• Related: I’ve been looking at tons of apartment listings lately, and it’s just remarkable that 65% of the photos are taken by people that have never used a camera before. Not sure how that’s possible, but it’s true. It’s like they time traveled from 1734, picked up this magic box and waved it around toward their stuff and managed to snap a few blurry close ups of their hardwood floors and then turned to dust.

• I think it’s cool that Jeopardy! is having a bunch of guest hosts, but it’s an abomination that snake oil salesman Dr. Oz is one of them. Ken Jennings should be the permanent host.

• Sonos speakers are great. (Hi Sonos. I mentioned you. Please sponsor me. I have you in almost every room of my house and you sound lovely.) Worth a shot.

• They need to invent a word for the feeling when you’re ecstatic for your friends or family when they get their vaccine but simultaneously so jealous of them and so angry that the rollout hasn’t been smoother. It’s hard to put numbers on it and the feelings kind of overlap, but I think it’s 60% ecstatic, 12% jealous, 28% angry. I know that every vaccination, whether it’s my friend or not, is a boon to public health and a step closer to the end of COVID, so every shot in every arm is welcome.

• I watched I Care a Lot (Netflix) recently and while I normally support the Be Gay and Do Crimes Platform, and even though Chris Messina rocked the helllllll out of some suits in it, it just…wasn’t very good. The breakout star of the film may have been Rosamund Pike’s vape. It was comically huge (picture a big vape… okay, got it? Well, it’s a little bigger than whatever you’re picturing) and she just always had it in her hand? After watching it, I searched “Rosamund Pike vape” on Twitter to see if anyone else was talking about it and came across Pike’s absolutely bonkers quote about the significance of her character vaping.

• This week I was teaching my fourth grade class a lesson that began with the question “how does music bring people together?” I told them about how I’ve met most of my friends and acquaintances through music in some capacity, whether via message boards or LiveJournal or going to shows. They absolutely did not care about that, but that’s fine. Should I have told them to sign up for this newsletter? (No, of course not. But maybe they would have found that at least mildly interesting; they are SO pumped that I uploaded a video of me reading a book to YouTube. They think I’m a YouTuber now and want to design merch for my channel. They are also upset that I can’t rename my channel because it’s my school account. They’re adorable.) 

• Bartees Strange did a Tiny Desk and it is very, very good.

• Lady Grimaces? (Grimessess???) No thanks!With that nightmare fuel, goodbye!